I realize that I am not going to leave despite the realization that my husband is not going to change. It may be difficult, but confront them about it — it's the only way to begin to stop the cycle. When working with this population, I have learned to meet them where they are in their recovery process.
But there are many resources for you to learn how to cope most effectively, and choose to live with or without the addict. The therapist has explained that my husband may have developed a template for what sex looks like, and unfortunately his preference is for sex that resembles pornography. The worst place for you, and your addict, is the place that stays within the lie.
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I choose forgiveness.
As difficult as it may be to wait when your emotions feel so urgent, the best thing you can do for yourself, for your spouse, and for your relationship is give yourself a little time before you confront your partner with what you suspect or what you have found. It may be difficult, but confront them about it — it's the only way to begin to stop the cycle.
Also try to remember that although this fact will not take away one bit of your pain or betrayal, it is still true that your partner has an illness and in many ways has limited control of his or her choices. In Donny's case he continues to stay in denial and has never admitted that he has a problem, therefore there is no chance of recovery until he breaks his denial and wants recovery. They will always find more stash to replace it.
For the sake of everyone involved, sometimes family members of addicts must confront the addict's behavior.
They Lie All The Time If you are hanging out with an active sex addict, it is pretty certain that they are going to lie to you. I was furious!